Drinking tea, not doing much…

Ah yes, Thursday morning and for all the writing that I said I would get done and yet I didn’t, I must apologise.  Okay, to put the record slightly straighter I did write a six-page short about a garden shed and for the time being, it can sit in my documents folder until I know what to do with it. If anything and it may as yet, wind up getting hit by the delete button.

Hang on a sec, my tea’s going cold…

Right. Okay that’s better.  The weather has turned, feeling autumnal and like somewhere, we skipped a season, but that’s just me. I don’t like the cold and it certainly feels chilly.  Settling into author mode and trying my damnedest to actually come up with something, only allowing myself to get distracted by a freshly brewed mug of tea. Fear not, as ideas abound. That’s a lie. Of course they don’t, but I like the sound of it.

What I did, was to look through my archive and try and find a story I’d started about a boat that had been involved in the evacuation of Dunkirk in 1940 and I couldn’t find the bloody thing. Sometime later, I sort of didn’t want to remember that I’d deleted it late last year. What made me go looking for it? it may have something to do with a talking dog and the new owner of the boat that’s been located on the beach in Norfolk and then the two of them go off and have a pub lunch or something. Anyway, the thing has gone and for a few minutes, I really thought I still had it. Never mind.

…In other news, well, not much to report. I’ve been messing about with Twitter and discovered another waste of time and space.  Since finishing that short, I’ve been reading through the chapters I’ve done  for Dark Places and I’m not too happy with them. So I’m now thinking about scrapping and starting again.  Some sections work and some really shouldn’t be there and so I take a deep breath and take another cigarette too.

Smoking is very bad for you, apparently.

I have been toying with the idea of rejoining WriteWords, as I was a member there for two years and had  a ball.  The reason I say this is because I’m attempting to put together a synopsis and I know I need help with it. WriteWords is the only place I can think of that perhaps can put me in the right direction. I’ve never written a synopsis before, so I thought why not give it a go. No change as far as the editing goes, I can see it’s still there waiting and yes I know there are a few things to do and there’s this voice that keeps saying “Patience is a virtue.”  Oh really? I also remember the joke about the two vultures and maybe there is something in what they’re saying.

Let’s move on, into a Thursday that’s a bit chilly and all I want is more tea. So take it easy out there and please mind the gap.

Hopping On The Bus…

So, it’s Tuesday September 13.  And, just as a happy coincidence, it’s my 51st too. Having successfully escaped from the clutches of the dietician and the young woman that took a little more blood than I’d like, I didn’t do much in the way of writing.

Well, not quite true. See, while I was waiting for the bus, I did get an idea about a short to do with a garden shed that gets blown down.  Now, the first part of it has been written and now, having more tea and cigarettes, I have to finish the thing. I only want 2 parts and something for fun that’ll take me away from the novel, editing,  cooking, cleaning, walking, swearing and all sorts of other stuff. Oh and not watching telly would be  a help. Hinderance?

Currently, I am sitting quite comfy on my couch with BBC Breakfast on in the corner, YouTube in my ears and tea that’s just starting to go cold. Another thought I’ve been having is about killing off one of my main characters – simply because she’s annoying me and I have a replacement waiting in the wings – but the thought was whether it was the right thing to do. I don’t normally have a problem with killing any of my characters off, these things happen. only now, it’s like I’ve put the brakes on while I try and get this resolved.

Two questions crop up:

1. Why her?

and

2. Why now?

…I don’t have any character that’s immortal as I just don’t like the idea. Nature, by design, doesn’t allow anything like that to happen. Nothing is forever. Having her just disappear somewhere seems a bit lame, but workable, so where did this notion of killing her come from and is it more than the simple truth that I was in a bad mood at the time and decided to take it out on her?  Why kill her at all? I just like the idea of saying goodbye to her and bring in the understudy and let her strut her stuff.  I also reckon on me being a bit stupid about the whole thing and rather than debate the whole sorry mess, just write the damned thing, get it all printed off and go and sit in a pub somewhere and while I get stinking drunk -that’s not a good idea at all, by the way – decide if she really should get the chop. Nothing like being decisive while drunk, you know.

So, in other matters, well, I took a ride on a bus unto town and as soon as I got there, I wondered why. I just got the bus back, stopped off at the local shop and bought a few things and so here I am again, waffling on about something that really doesn’t bloody matter.  Earlier, I did have YouTube happily playing in my earphones while I didn’t have breakfast and I didn’t watch telly. It’s my birthday today so I can do what I want. Not really, I know I can’t.

I won’t take a trip to the pub, I won’t get drunk, I won’t cause any trouble but what I will do is go and have some lunch. Calmly sit down and do some of this writing thing and I’ll shake a few trees to see what falls out.

I’ll keep this one nice and short – because I’m really like that – and say: take it easy out there, and please, mind the gap.

Solitary Conversations (Part 4)

…The early hours of  Sunday morning. I’ve just had a mug of tea and I’m into my umpteenth cigarette.   I did have designs of getting into chapter 1 again, but I allowed myself to get distracted by dinner and Doctor Who. I did play the “Channel Hopping” game and I’m sorry, but Strictly Come Dancing just wouldn’t hold my attention for more than a second – and to confess, it didn’t – but I am wearing out the AA batteries with startling speed. I really should press on, getting into a long monologue on TV just isn’t going to help. So, having put the cigarette out, and football on the telly (what did I just say about watching telly?) I think I should either get into some writing stuff or just knock it off for the hour that I’m in. But, putting my hand up, I did do some writing, the actual revision of chapter 4 and it went okay. Chapter 1 can wait for a day, I think, I ran into a problem earlier with a technical issue with the story I’m working on and I have written scenes and stored them, but I can’t find where they are. Pretty dumb move, that.

Given that I can find the errant material, I will include it as the story has to move at a certain speed and so far, is dragging along and is irritating me. Next up, is the fun factor I get from doing short stories and doing longer work – of which, this really wasn’t my idea, it was Heather’s, honest! – so I can blame her for it. I’m glad that she doesn’t know about this blog or I can guess she’ll be on Skype and not being too pleased with me. Write a novel, she said. Yeah, I said, and I am so stupid sometimes.  I’m going to get a T-shirt with that printed on it and wear it when I sit down and write.

So here I am again. I fell out of bed about a half hour ago and Andrew Marr is going on about something. Forget the T-shirt. I don’t need another one.

Today, I would like to go back and review chapter 1. As it’s meant to be a first draft, maybe I should just get on with the rest of it and start filling in the gaps as I’ve written this story backwards. I’ve not actually reached the end, but I’ve got damned close to it, I didn’t have a beginning – opening?- and that’s what I’m working on. I also think there are far too many characters running around so scalping may yet have to take place. As for the heroines themselves, well, they’re okay as I have a ton of stuff done for them so they don’t need that much.

I still have the editing to do on Miranda and Wendy, which really has sat there for nearly a year waiting for me to get my arse in gear and get it done as I had a stupid idea that I’d put this up for publishing next year. I did start the process – I’ve commented on this before and I haven’t done a lot to it – and perhaps, it’s a bit late for 2012 now, so maybe I should add a year to the completion date and then, there’s all the Dark Places stuff and as they stand, they’re in desperate need of a make-over and I’ve said that before too.  Maybe 2014 – 2015 for them, that is if I get them done and I don’t think it hurts to have targets – and I’m suddenly reminded that tea is required now as its been twenty minutes since my last mug.

Another sudden awakening! Miranda and Wendy was written nearly two years ago and…and…oh, well. Never mind. I’m sure they’ll forgive me.

I think that I’ve waffled on for far too long again and I will now shut up. Signing off in the time honoured fashion: Take care out there and please, mind the gap.

Solitary Conversations (Part 3)

Hey, hey…here I am again…

As a Saturday morning rolls on, and I sort of overslept, but maybe I didn’t, I woke to find the sun shining brightly and a rush to get up and get some tea in me. I don’t close the curtains. I can’t be seen you see, which in itself is no bad thing. I wouldn’t want to see me either. My apartment overlooks the Atlantic Ocean and perhaps the only things looking in my window are the fish. If there are any fish.

As it’s a Bank Holiday weekend, I thought I’d just plonk myself down and get some writing done and so far, it hasn’t happened. I did watch a bit of TV, which I’ve now turned off so I have the quiet instead. I’ll switch YouTube on in a minute and have a playlist whizzing around my head while trying to knock something together.

I wonder if anyone else, while writing either has, or hasn’t anything going on in the background. I like a bit of music as I scrawl all sorts of crap at my screen and I can work without too, I suppose it depends on the mood.

A few things have happened in the intervening months and here isn’t really where I open out into any detailing, only to mention the months that have passed and simply move on. The writing has, almost gone away and I had wanted to get into the editing suite again, but once I got close, I just kept on walking and haven’t touched any of it. I did write a short story, I called it “The Accidental” and runs to 42 pages and this came about as I wanted to add the characters to another story that I’ve been working on for a long time and they needed/wanted to fit in. So I did this and it was enjoyable and so that’s about it for now, really.

Yet another Saturday rolls around and I’ve not really done much. I did have a problem with my password with WP and I had to reset it three times before I could get back in again.

I did have this rather vague idea that I would sit down today and get a lot of writing done, but at the moment, I’m sitting here with one eye on the TV and the other looking towards the kettle and yet another mug of tea. I also need to go for a walk as the weather looks a little flaky – after yesterday, it looks as though it could change again, and it certainly chucked it down late on – moving from slightly grey to quite bright and that’s more or less in a single blink, but hey what do I really know, I’m not a weather forecaster, so perhaps I’d better shut up.

…If I could just keep on track with what I set out to do – which escapes me for the moment – that bloody kettle is calling yet again, as I said, I did have an idea about sitting down and having today as my writing day.

There is something though. It’s kind of odd and it began last night, before I went to bed and it’s like I’m seeing a scene from something; two men in  a dark coloured car, travelling south on the M1 and approaching Staples Corner and they start talking about where they should go. It turns out that these two men are either hunting or just up to no good. Anyway, that’s about as far as I’ve gone with it. I’m not sure if it’s worth venturing any further with right now, but we’ll see. Never say never, right?

So, I’ll sign this one off for now and I make a very loose promise here. That is I will try and come back here slightly more often and maybe, it’ll help loosen my fingers a bit more. And with that in mind, please mind the gap and take care out there.

 

 

 

 

 

Solitary Conversations (Part 2)

Good Lord! I’ve just done some checking and I’ve not been here for more than  a year. So where did 2010 go then?

I’m not really sure what happened, ’cause I thought I’d been in and now to discover I hadn’t. Does that rate as an “oops?”

Perhaps, and perhaps not. It’s all too easy sometimes to not really put anything on paper or on screen. I did, but not a great deal. I got a few stories finished, started and completed quite a few shorts, but of the two main pieces I had on the go, one is complete and the other is still a pain in the bum. What was supposed to be a fairly straight forward romance type tale only reminded me that I’m about as romantic as a brick through a window. Or a car crash, whichever takes your fancy.

So, 2010- ay… Sitting here now and it’s April 2011 and i’m trying to look back and apologize for a year that was basically crap. In my estimation, a lot of my lack of interest in anything “writing” came from a really crap year. Well, I have to blame someone/thing, so I’ll lay the blame on a piss poor year. Simply because I can.

Moving on then and in no particular rush… Miranda and Wendy finally wrapped in November 09. Coming up with a suitable ending had me scratching at my head for a long time, but I got there. I then started the so-called “editing”. Oh that was fun. I had a 440 page story and I sat down and began the process of what wasn’t required, or anything that I felt didn’t quite fit where it should. I did make a rather startling discovery during this stage and that was the number of times Miranda said “fuck”. To be fair, Wendy wasn’t too far behind in the swearing stakes, so I edited a lot of swearing and I almost went too far. But, after taking a mighty swing at it, M&W dropped from 440 pages to 408. Obviously, there was more than taking out swearing; some scenes were deleted or edited to get the story back up to speed. One of the ideas I had, was there was a certain speed at which the tale should be told, and in some circumstances, it slowed a little too much.

As the story sits now, it’s still waiting for that second sweep and I haven’t got around to it yet and a year has moved on. I had a great deal of fun writing this one. It’s origins are told elsewhere, but I can say, without a lie, is that I had a ball here and kind of sad when I saw “The End” on screen. But they had gone far enough and any more would be dragging the arse out of it.

I did think about the ‘Gap Year’ as it were. In terms I suppose that’s more of the “Where the hell did that go?” to “Oh, here we are now!” and it feels as if most of 2010 is not much more than a blank. I’m not on drugs or drink and maybe I should be. There has to be an excuse for what happened, but I guess that the FUN went out of it a little and so I pulled back and did… well, I did… um no I didn’t. What I  did was to sit down and turn the damned TV on. Oh and how marvelous that was. I’ve discovered a few programs that are quite good and Doctor Who is one of them.

See now I’m getting into TV and I shouldn’t ’cause I’ll forget to keep my stupid mouth shut and just keep waffling away like I really know what the fuck I’m going on about. I need more tea. Or I’d like more tea. Or something. This is meant to be about the gap year that wasn’t as such. But I’m having trouble really deciding where the bloody year went. It came, and then went away again. Somewhere in there, was me. Funny how at times, I sound like I know what I’m doing.

Oh yes, this writing thingy. That’s what I was going to waffle on about at great length. Is it worth it? Or am I sitting on my skinny butt blowing smoke rings for no real reason. I’ll take a pass on that. But the thing is or was, I had fun with this thing. It was never intended to take me anywhere, but it helped feed my brain and it still does, although, the interest is strained somewhat, but that happens. I’m sure it does.

I think that what I should do is start wrapping this up. I can see it’s got a lot longer than I really planned – Ha! That’s a laugh. What plan? There is no plan. I digress. And apologize. This has been me and here I’ll say goodnight and following on in tradition, take care of yourselves and please, mind the gap.

Solitary Conversations (Part 1)

This is something I’ve been thinking about since the early hours of this morning. I pulled another ‘all nighter’ in a poor effort to get some writing done and instead, I spent most of those hours watching YouTube. I did do some writing, just to clarify that I did do something, but hours later and it feels wasted.

I was drawn into YouTube because I like music playing when I write, not all the time, I suppose it depends on what I’m trying to get into and last night/this morning kind of told me that I should have gone to bed and left all the writing alone. What I ended up with, apart from a few new tracks in my library, was nine pages of waffly crap. I have noticed, that lately, (Okay, not that much lately, it’s been a while, in all honesty) I’m not quite where I want to be. I’m wondering if I’ve hit a slump after the real fun that was Angelica, perhaps I’m being a little harsh with myself, perhaps it’s just a seasonal thing.

The other truth, which could well be a reality, is that I’m just not concentrating on sticking to one story and I’m jumping between three of them. Yeah, a new one has recently kicked off, just after I’d finished The Sock Fairy piece and I had two items on my list and now there’s a third. I’m wondering if this is nothing more than a want/don’t want scenario? Fairly straightforward, I think, but this new piece is intriguing for me, as it’s nothing that I haven’t tried before, so I’m thinking that perhaps all I’m doing is rehashing old ground and I should have left it alone. The other two pieces? Well, they still have to be done and one in particular is proving to be a real pain. I think I’ve let it go for so long I just can’t pick up on it, you know the beat you get with something and your counting is ever so slightly off, I’m not quite able to grasp it and make anything of it. Maybe I’m just tired and all this will be different tomorrow, perhaps it will; perhaps it won’t. Who’s to say?

I also commented previously, that I’d do one of these a week, well a first in  that this is the second this week and there could possibly be a third, a fourth if I get desperate enough. No, I’m kidding (No I’m not!), I hope that two will be enough of me rabbitting on about sweet naff all during these weeks. Anyway, what with Christmas coming up (Not something I look forward to at all!) I know a lot of people who are so wrapped up in it and that’s good, I hope you enjoy it all. Me, I’ll be here on my own and drinking as much tea and smoking as best I can. I might, if I can afford to, buy a pack of cigars and enjoy those as well. Nice to have little things every now and then.

I think I’ll skip another all nighter and get an early night instead, come back to the writing tomorrow and see how it all stands then. I’m tempted to delete what I did last night, but on reading again, a couple of little things do show up so I’m gonna hang tough on them for now, but come the weekend, they could just as easily be all gone. One of the habits I have grown out of though is that I rarely print anything off any more. I used to print everything off and read whatever it was while waiting on the kettle and yet more tea. Some things have changed, but not all.

This started out as something quite simple and has, hopefully, remained like that, there are times where things just swing around and we don’t see them coming, but I think I managed it this time. For one thing, my love of tea is well documented, as I suppose is my smoking and that has to stop, perhaps as a new years resolution, or some other stupid idea I might get. Don’t know, we’ll see.

Okay, I’m beginning to think about drawing this to a close, it suddenly seems so dark out there now, like I just noticed it. Yeah, I think it’s time I signed this off. So, in time honoured fashion, please take care out there and mind the gap…

Something New Out There…

A little while ago, I wrote a 500 word piece for a mini challenge in the General Fiction Challenge Group on WriteWords. This came about because SJ, and she is a lovely lady, wanted something quick and about a domestic appliance.

That’s what I did, along with a few others, but I then sat back and looked at what I’d done and thought, hang on, what if.. Now, sometimes, I get rolling on a story by whatever means are at hand. What I’ve gone with before might be nothing more than a name, or in the case of Miranda and Wendy, two names. The domestic appliance piece was something a little different; in this, there’s a lonely man, who, by means of a little magic, meets a sock fairy.

The eventual story wound out at just over 2500 words and one that I really enjoyed writing, I really enjoyed reading (Yes, perhaps I’m biased because it’s my work, but that doesn’t always happen like that), and really enjoyed being involved with. After this though, As I was on another writers site that I’m a member of, I saw a writing competition. I read through the domestic appliance piece and thought why not?

This is my attempt at entering a competition, I’ve never entered one before, so I uploaded the story, printed off a hardcopy and posted that off yesterday morning. I did, prior to this, put the story up in the GFCG, and the feed back I got from it was just incredible. So Thanks to Fabienne, Nancy and massive thanks to Mand, for doing what you did. Mand rewrote the piece, not changing words, but my dreadful punctuation mostly and a bit of layout. Now, it’s gone off to Dublin and I’ll wait and see. There is a first prize of 1000 euro’s, but to be honest, the real incentive for me was just to enter, even if I never hear a word about the story, it doesn’t matter, because what does, is that I had a go. The winners will be announced about the middle of February so I definitely won’t be holding my breath. I can drink so much tea between now and then, but it was great fun so I may even have a go at another, brave or stupid, I don’t know, but who’s to say I can’t?

The story itself hasn’t rekindled my affliction for writing, it hasn’t made it run any easier, nor by contrast, made it any harder but what it has done is make me sit down and read this little story and put a smile on my face. I like that, just a read of it and I can smile and then say, ‘Okay, who really wrote this?’  It doesn’t feel like me, but my name is on the page and I’m not going to pick it apart, because as I’ve said before, that doesn’t really help. It’s a bit late now anyway, the story is in my documents folder and marked ‘DO NOT DELETE’ the other copy is in Dublin so that brings us neatly to the close.

After I posted the entry, I came back to the flat and put the kettle on. There was a huge sense of relief that I had uploaded and then sent the story, because for a second, I wasn’t going to. That second was no more than a blink and brain said ‘Just do it!’ so I did.  I had my tea and a cigarette and as a consequence, I switched on my laptop and looked at the story and I wasn’t wrong. I was smiling again. So that really is it, that’s what happened.

So, please, take it easy out there and mind the gap.

Staying With it…

Hi there! Ah, I can see that it’s been awhile since I was last here. Now I know that nobody has missed me, I’m that kind of guy, so hey, ain’t nothing to worry about. Suddenly lost track of thought. Sorry about that, but this does happen from time to time.

Then, suddenly, we’re off again!

So, it’s Wednesday December 9. Here in the Republic, it’s budget day and well, to not put to fine a point on it, it hasn’t been a good year. Let’s not get all doom and gloom about it, I’m pretty sure that things will get better. What we should do, is do our best to remain positive, keep our chins up and smile because, let’s face it; sometimes, it’s all we can do.

Okay, so what I won’t do here is a review type thing, you know, one of those yearly review jobs, I’ll save that for closer to new year, it seems more apt, I think. Which I suppose leaves another question; What is this about?

Well, it’s about a year where a lot has happened, I’m not going to get all personal, this isn’t what this is about. If we take a small step at a time, then I’m pretty sure that it’ll work out just fine. Trials and tribulations I think they’re called and a lot of us have seen a few of those this year, and perhaps from the previous as well. I usually do these with earphones in and I’ve just made  tea. Do I need music blaring in my ears like that? Sometimes, yes, it helps and can, in perhaps an odd way, be soothing and scene setting. A change of mood, maybe.

I am, still doing my drivelling. A number of people are probably groaning now that I am still doing it, but I never said I wouldn’t, although to be fair, it has, thankfully, slowed down now. I feel as if a lot of the enthusiasm for it has worn off, dulled is maybe a better way of putting it. What I will say here is that I continue to be a member of Writewords (three groups, no less!) and I will remain so until May 2010. Then, I’ll review and see if it’s still worth staying with and I may yet renew, there’s a lttle way to go yet. I may review the groups that I belong to, I could pull out of one of them at anytime and there is a temptation to do that.

As far as this drivelling goes, what I’m looking at doing for the new year is having them properly read and with that professional appraisal, see if they really are worth contnuing with. I’ve never believed that this ‘writing’ thing is a waste of time, I think it’s the opposite, I think it’s fun, well, okay, for me it is, not just in what I drivel, but also in reading what other people have written, to share in that and it simply doesn’t matter what they’ve written, if they can be open enough to want to share then that’s just fine. I know how protective we can be with a few things and yes, there are a few characters that I am very protective of, but in order to know if I can go on with them, I need to feel confident enough to let someone else have a look at them. The thing is, if they rip these stories to pieces, am I likely to either burst into tears or hit them? I hopeful that all I’ll do is sit there and ask for some tissues. There is a fear built into this, but it’s something I have to do. But that’s for the new year and not this.

In the here and now, I’m sitting at my laptop and gently tapping all these words out and I can draw this to a close that’s quite proper and genuinely happy. My last post, ‘Being in debt’, was, I think one of my best and this isn’t anything like that. This perhaps, hasn’t been as clear cut as the others but, the important thing here is that I am writing (Now there’s a surprise, me using the word writing!)  and quite enjoying what I’m doing as well. It can feel like a chore and get all nagging in the way it’ll either move as intended or drag itself along and be nothing more than a pain. This isn’t like that. No, what this should be is fun and whole heartedly enjoy what this does, it prompts the brain into getting it all up and running, get something going in the brain department, mine spends a lot of its time sleeping and only so often decides to join the rest of my physical being. Ah, well, these things happen.

So, wrapping all this up, in the time honoured fashion, take it easy out there and please, mind the gap.

Being in debt…

This I suppose is somewhat different. I have to realise that I haven’t been here for a while and I know I said I’d try and do one of these a week, so I apologise for that, mind you, I’ve not been missed so there we are. But now that I am here, and just to let you know, the weather here in Passage West is not very nice at all. Heavy grey skies and a fair bit of rain. 

I had an idea of what this is supposed to be about, but somewhere, I kind of went off track with it, The title, ‘Being in debt…’ doesn’t refer to owing someone money, no, this is something so much better than that. A different debt, but nothing at all to do with money. Nor is it a debt of honour, this is, for me, something that I still find hard to put into words, what my debt is, is to someone for how they made me feel. There is something here that even now, days later makes me think. That’s all about her. This lady, and yes, I refer to her as a lady, really and truthfully had me open my eyes and made me feel so alive and so incredibly happy. I’m not going to ruin this by using words that simply have no place here, what this lady did for me was to make me forget how cold I had become, so ignorant of the fact that I live alone and there are times that I sit on my own and do nothing more than cry. Yeah, so now you can have some of my honesty and I make no apolgies for it.

I met her due to a hospital appointment. I have a little problem and I was at the check up and that’s where all this took off. I have already written about this, this has been uploaded to WriteWords, where it will remain, I have a copy of it in my documents folder and this piece has become so important, like treasure, it will never be deleted. Although I suppose I should never have written the piece in the first place, but this one, I just had to.

To say that this is nothing more than a moment wouldn’t be wrong, I would agree but moments like this that feel so powerful don’t come along that often, it’s what I saw, what I felt and what I feel now, a week or more later and that feeling is still so strong and it’s as if she’s climbed into my head and taken over my heart and that to me is just simply wonderful. It’s wonderful that I can feel like this, that I can take that moment and have my dream and make me like this. 

This may be the most silliest thing I’ve ever done, perhaps this is something that I genuinely am so mistaken with but it doesn’t feel like that.  She may not see me in the same way and no doubt, she probably doesn’t even remember me, but that doesn’t take anything away from this. Because this is me and what she made of me. I could go into the whole story of the how’s and why’s but I won’t. That’s been documented and saved and I think in that, she saved me.

Still making mistakes (3)

Funny how a day can just turn around. It’s a spark that suddenly makes the day that so much more, just  something that can turn the day into something so much brighter.

Perhaps I should explain, I should be vocal in what happened and okay, why shouldn’t I? Why not have the courage to write this?

I’m thinking back to yesterday, it was a Bank Holiday in the UK, here in Ireland, ours is the first Monday of August, but that doesn’t really matter. What does is what happened. Here, is where I write and let you in on it, so you can see…

I had uploaded a piece of work that I was writing. I use ‘was’ here, because the piece in question is from my Miranda and Wendy stories, the piece is from the prequel, it’s a bout 6 pages long and I abandoned it. I wrote this about 2 months ago and just left it. I left it because I found it very painful to write, I know that may sound so stupid, but there is, in this piece, something of my own history and writing this made me think about that and as I stopped writing, I had actually started crying. I didn’t think anymore about it, but I loaded on WW because it is part of Miranda and Wendy’s history, it’s not ‘backstory’ this was originally intended to be the prequel and because of what I’d written and what it had done, I left it. However, I’m ramblinga again and I apologise yet again. Sorry, but it’s me.

I got a respose from Mand about thsi particular, apart from my apalling use of tenses (Something that can be fixed, so don’t panic!), she rewrote what I had done and I was so stunned at what she’d done, just so taken with the simple fact that I’d written something that could be turned into what has restatrted what I had abandoned. Just these 6 pages and I read what Mand had done and I was speechless. Just so simply amazed that someone could and would do that and the results (without sounding too ridiculous) were spectacular. This little thing that had been so hard for me to write and here is someone that doesn’t even know me and…Im still feeling the shock of it.

I may be going about this all wrong, but I disagree. What took place turned the day around and simply amazing. So we know where we at with these things, I’ve offered to buy Mand dinner the next time I’m in the UK, okay, it’ll be pizza but there you are, my promise and it’s not something I’m likely to forget. What still gets me is why something like this, that’s fiction, not real but to have that affect. Why? It’s not a bad thing, I’m not saying it is but why do I get like this? Is there some stupid rationality here that I feel for these ‘characters’? Is that possible that with Miranda and Wendy, that I hurt them and I somehow feel it as well? Why? A little and hopefully very quick notes here, I know from writing the Dark Places stories that I have become very protective of Christina and Helen. I suppose as they’ve grown, I’ve grown with them (Sounds so weird, but hey, it’s me!) and does that make any sense at all? I feel the same now with Miranda and Wendy, I can’t explain why this has happened, I simply don’t know. Maybe I’m trying too hard to find the answer and perhaps, the answer could just be that I’m lonely and I find something in here that I can hold onto? Could that be it? Something that I want? I’m going to look away, I think the answer is too frightening even for me to hold on to.

I’m a 48 year old bloke, who in twelve days will be 49. I live on my own, I don’t share my life with anyone and I’m certainly not going to open my heart here, this is not the place for that. But, I am reasonably happy and not as doom laden as you might think. Like me, my language is very simple, very straight forward and there you are, that’s me. After yesterday and that gift, it kind of feels precious and not worth wasting. I make it sound as I know what I’m doing and most of the time I have no idea at all.

I’m going to bring this to a close here. I will end this one by saying a huge thank you to Mand. You did make it so much better.

So take care and please, mind the gap.